May 17, 2011 - Depression, and other things...

I know it's been a few days, I'm not good at keeping up with this. But anyway, I've had a bad day already. It's one of those days when you don't want to wake up. Everything goes wrong for you and just puts you into a rut that you don't even want to dig yourself out of. You know what I'm talking about?
When you wish you'd get hit by a car while checking the mail, or randomly fall off the roof and break your neck... that's how I'm feeling today. All I can think of is my mom (whose surgery is next week), my uncles Joey and Jesse(who dies a little over two years ago), and how I pretty much have no friends. Those things will put a damper into your day. Sorry I'm ranting, and it isn't about important things like the economy, Osama Bin Laden, or health care.. This is supposed to be about me mostly. One of these days I will most likely go on a rant about abortion and Obama all at once, because I'm 100% against them both. Alright, back to how I feel, have any of you gotten into this mood? If so, HELP ME! I hate feeling sad like I do. This isn't the sad that I am every single day, this is worse, by far, and I don't like it. I'm stressed to the max about so many things. The day after my moms' surgery, I have my registration for college classes, that's huge right? Well, I don't even want to do it anymore because I wanted to experience that with her, and she is going to be in a hospital bed... and the thought of that is just overbearing to me. I'm scared about the complications you always here about with surgery. I can't even stand the thought of something going wrong. You're parents are supposed to be invincible and never get hurt, at least that's what I thought growing up, but it doesn't happen like that and it scares the shit out of me. I know I have this goofy exterior and I'm always smiling and playing around(if you know me, you'd understand), but really, I'm like a kid who just broke their ice cream cone, or something to that effect. I'm slowly breaking down on the inside, and no one sees it... but it doesn't matter because I have no one to talk to about my problems so I keep them bottled up, and they just keep building and getting worse. Anyway, hope you had a good day, at least until you read this aweful post. I can tell you it's probably a lot easier to really be happy than to pretend. If you're feeling sad, talk to someone about how you're feeling, it could help.

I think I'm done for now.. I don't have anything else to really.