I know that I can be mean to you and cause a lot of drama in our house, but it's only because I feel unloved at times, and lashing out at anyone around me is the only way to deal. I know I don't tell you I love you every single day, but I'm going to change that. You're as invincible now as when I was little and I knew you would never die. Yes, you're sick. Yes, you're scared. It's because you have breast cancer, but I KNOW that you will make it through this. Cancer is nothing compared to you, and I know you will beat this.
I can be a terrible person, but there is no way in the world the God could take you from this earth. He knows how much you mean to everyone you meet. You're my entire world, and I don't even think you realize that sometimes, but that's my fault because I don't act like it. I wish I could win the lottery or instantly be through college and have a great job so I can give you everything you could ever want and need, but I just can't. I would give you the world if I could, I'd give you my kidney, my heart, even my breasts if I knew it would make you happy. I would die for you in an instant just so I would know you would never have to be in pain. Tatiana will always remember what you look like; Stalle and Libby knw that you are teir true mother; Austin will know how to treat a woman; and I will tell you I love you ever single day so you can whisper "I love you mor" back, because you are not going anywhere, ever. I won't let it happen.
From now on, I am going to do everything I can to make you happy. All that matters is your happiness. You're the absolute greatest mother that the five of us could ever ask for. I feel bad that other kids don't get to experience what we hae, but I wouldn't share with them because you're ours, and no one elses. I'd never be able to give you up. I apologize for the way I act pretty much all the time towards you an everyone else on the house, I don't mean to be a total B&*#% but it's in my nature. It doesn't mean that I love you any less.It's just because I'm too much of a coward to say what I'm really feeling. You really are an amazing, strong, and courageous woman. No matter what anyone says says to contradict that. You should hear that every single day of your life, but you don't and that needs to change. I want to be at least half the woman you are when I am grown and have children of my own. I want my kids to love me, the way that I love you. I know you've had to sacrifice a lot in your life for all of us, and it probaly wasn't anywhere near rewarding for you, but we all really do appreciate everything that you do for us. I know how much you love us, and what you would do for all of us, but now is the time that we are supposed to be there for you, and obviously we are lacking on that.
I love you more than life itself, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to you.
THINGS WILL GET BETTER, I PROMISE
I know I am loved. Sometimes it just feels better if i am shown. I am scared, but I know that God isn't ready for me yet. I still need you guys as much as you need me. So God will just have to wait awhile longer.
ReplyDeleteYou are growing into a great women right before my eyes, but in my heart you are still my little girl...forgive me if I'm not ready to let go.
I don't need the lottery or expensive things. I just needd love, respect, and caring. Don't forget the hugs and kisses(never too old)
You are destined for great things. I have always told you that. So school and the great career will come when the time is right not before then. No matter how much we try to rush.
I love you more and more with every breath I take. Love half as much as I do and you're going be a great mom too. Cause I love you for eternity.